They are sometimes clear and sharp, jarring you out of complacency.
Sometimes faint, almost mist.
Those moments when you are not looking but see anyway, the ones where truth catches you by surprise- revealing the backstage beauty of you that everyone else always sees.
And loves you for.
*******
If you know there is more of you to see, I do Guidance Sessions that reveal what the world is reflecting. There is nothing more powerful than you fully seeing You.
Your precious time, your skill, your creative energy.
You have the right to keep it to yourself.
You do not have to share it with anyone.
It can be your private solace, your personal sanctuary, your secret garden.
The world does not own your productivity, nor do you have any obligation to feed the insatiable beast of the world’s demands for more, more, more.
No one is entitled to your life expression.
It is your gift to do with as YOU please. As a creative, human soul, some bit, maybe a very large bit of your life expression will be shared. Freely, eagerly, joyfully, tentatively, slowly, loudly, elegantly, messily, or in a myriad of other “-ly’s”.
You will be so filled up with the energy you are harnessing, that you are stewarding, that you are manifesting, it will flow into the world because it must.
Not because what you are doing is perfect, or that you even feel ready, but because the energy of your creativity, passion, spirit, desire, purpose, will, devotion, is so ripe to be in the world it needs to move out through you.
Like the child who runs to her mommy to show off her latest painting, still dripping wet. Or the business you start, even though you are scared to death, because it is that important to you. Like the dance you must do when that one song comes on. What is inside needs to express itself in the world.
This is when you share. This is when you give. This is when the world can receive you as the abundant gift you are. Anything else carries the tinge of obligation, forcing, resisting, proving, controlling, and it creates psychic drag that builds up and it will weigh you down.
When you don’t feel you own the way you share yourself with the world you feel guilty when you say “no”. No, not right now. No, I don’t want to. No, that doesn’t work for me. No, not that but this. No, this is private.
For me a moment I learned that what I wanted to give was less important than what others wanted from me was in third grade.
***
My teacher was Miss Tyree. She was tall, had deep read hair styled in a practical bob, wore serious brown rimed glasses. She played piano every morning as we sang the Star Spangled Banner or My Country Tis of Thee after dutifully saying our pledge of allegiance. I loved her. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to play the piano.
I started taking lessons and not too surprisingly, daily practicing was not my favorite thing. The discipline challenged me. But I was also very shy and unsure of myself so practicing in house full of people who had opinions about the inevitable and many wrong notes was hard.
And then there were the recitals. I hated them. I did not want to play in front of a room full of people, I didn’t want to play in front of anyone. Because I was shy and unsure, but also because I wanted to play just because I wanted to.
For me. Only. I didn’t want to entertain the world.
I was told that wasn’t how it worked. If you take lessons playing in public came with the deal. It was implied that people wanted to hear me play so I owed it to them.
I got the message I couldn’t have my own private pleasures, my own just-for-me expression. If it had value outside of myself, I owed to those who wanted it.
I didn’t understand this. Why couldn’t this be just for me? My own private, beautiful thing?
But at 9 years old I couldn’t fight convention and parental decision so I did the recitals. For many years. And it took the joy of playing music away and replaced it with performance and anxiety.
***
What if my experience were different? What if I had been supported in being shy and needing more time to keep my fledgling skill private? With encouragement with out demand would I have become, if not comfortable playing for others, curious enough to try? If I were supported in my desire to have my playing be just for me would I have learned to trust myself and my innate desire more?
I don’t know. I do know that I didn’t have the same issues with my art being displayed. I was okay (if still nervous) sharing that part of my creative life. Now I use my photography in my blogging and e-letters even though I am far from a professional, but sharing my writing is an ongoing ebb and flow of a private and public dance. The more space I give myself for all the privacy I want, the sharing of my thoughts and bits of vulnerability feel natural, almost as if they require being shared.
Over the years I have witnessed this pattern of the upwelling in energy to the point of outward flow in my coaching of deeply feeling, creative, soulful women.
When allowed the space to sink in and find what is authentically calling them rather than what is expected of them (by themselves and the outer world) an organic and beautifully unique path unfolds.
Add to this the changing desires and energy at midlife and the pull to question the status quo in their life, a profound reclaiming of ownership of exactly how they share their precious selves with the world happens. With out guilt and with joy and homecoming. For some it is a grand coming out, for others an intimate returning in, but it always changes everything.
You have the right to keep it to yourself.
Your precious time, your skill, your creative energy.
You have the right to keep it to yourself.
You do not have to share it with anyone.
It can be your private solace, your personal sanctuary, your secret garden.
Until, and if, you chose otherwise.
If you are looking for support in finding your own beautifully unique life path, I may be able to help.
(This is the 8th post in my series “being seen at 50“)