Category Archives: truths

introducing: tea time, behind the curtain

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I am doing a weekly video series!

I am calling it Tea Time, Behind the Curtain!!

 

Yay! EEEK! Hurray! OMG I am really doing this!

Excessive use of exclamation points and BOLD is entirely intentional and totally warranted!!!

**View the episode now or read the behind the scenes story first. Those of you who get my Luscious Soulful Beauty email letter already know this, but here it is for the larger world. Believe me, no one is as surprised as me that this is happening! (Oh, and if you are not getting my LSB letter, put your info in the box at the bottom, I’d love to include you!)**

Last week I did something really scary. It made me lightheaded, nervous and full of self judgment. And you know what? I didn’t die. I didn’t even faint. Or throw up. You know what else? I surprised myself. I kind of had fun. Enough fun that I am going to continue.

What did I do? I took part in a 5 day video challenge with Kris Oster of Mythic Rhythm through her Facebook group Enchanted Entrepreneurs. (If you by chance have not heard of her, check out her work. Especially if you are a mystically inclined business person. Magic + Myth + Biz know how.= Powerful. shhh, its a secret group so let me or Kris know if you want in and we will teachyou the secret handshake, aka add you in.)

So, each day last week I created a video on the theme of bringing heaven to earth. Yummy topic, yes? Good enough, along with Kris’ inspiration and safety to tempt me. And prizes. Totally helped that there were prizes.

The thing is, I have spent my life actively avoiding being on camera. It has scared me, intimated me, just was never something I had any plans of doing, ever. Never. Not going to happen. Other people did video. Not. Me.

Except.

Sometimes our inner wise guidance has another plan. There was a tiny, but undeniably strong voice that said “Do it. Just do it. Do it. Do it.” Kind of like your girlfriends on the playground telling you to go ask the cute boy under the tree to be your lab partner because they know you really want to.

My brain said No. Some deeper part said yes. So I listened to the deeper voice that felt more true, if unfamiliar, rather than the familiar voice that sounded more safe and logical, but not quite true.

Color me shocked!

And that is how it is with our intuition and inner guidance. It is not ruled by our past and how we know ourselves in the present. It is tuned into our becoming, our growth, our life desire. It brings us to our edge so we can reach into what is forming beyond our knowing. And it often shocks us with what it brings.

So, 5 days of videos. They are not perfect. I have so much to learn. Of course I had a crap ton of judgement threatening to shut me down.
-Your hair is too frizzy.
-You need to clean your studio, or get a screen so people don’t see how messy you are.
-You look weird and puffy, not like your pretty professional pictures.
-Oh My God you say “like” and “um” too much.
-You sound just like your sister!

The truth is this:

– My hair is curly and it has a mind of its own.
– My studio is not Pinterest ready and is absolutely lived in. I definitely work in creative chaos.
– I don’t have professional lighting and make up, most nights I don’t sleep as well as I would like. I look the way I look. Also YouTube has a way of choosing the most unflattering screenshot for the video (have to learn how to work with that!) Again, I look the way I look.
– There is a learning curve and I am getting use to speaking in front of a camera.
– My sister and I come from the same gene pool and blood carries connection. She is also one of the most dynamic people I know.

I showed up anyway. I am so proud of myself for that. I am proud for leaping into the unknown and discovering a new way to express myself. I am celebrating doing the scary thing, while being scared and full of doubt the whole time. I am especially proud of not minimizing how big a triumph this for me. This is something I find so common. We snatch away our accomplishments, our triumphs, we weaken the impact of our courage because we compare ourselves with others. “This is not such a big thing, others do it all the time” we tell ourselves when this “common” “no big deal thing” is a very big, extraordinary thing for us.

Icky, Yucky, Cruel. Don’t buy into it.

Claim your bravery.

Even when it is wobbly and imperfect and perhaps the tinniest little thing to others. It is not to you and it will change you.

Here is why I share this story. That thing that scares you, the one you are absolutely sure you will never, ever do. That very thing may make its way to you as an opening to more of your creative, soulful becoming. Just because you have not known yourself to do or be something does not mean you never will.

Of course always say “no” to what does not feel right, but also be willing to follow the small, quiet, surprising “yes” that invites you forward. It doesn’t have to be big and grand, it just needs to be yours.

This story is also a way of introducing my new, small, Yes. A very big Yes actually. I am going to do a weekly video I am calling Tea Time, Behind the Curtain. A better name may come bit for now that is what I am calling it. I want to create a little space in the week to touch in, relax, breathe, and chat about what is going in my luscious life creation. Here is Episode 1. This feels tender and vulnerable and exciting.

All the ingredients of rich, new, knowing and creation!

What is your exciting new “Yes”? Is there a new, tiny, edgy whisper calling you? Say Yes!

So here it is Episode 1 of Tea Time, Behind the Scenes. Thanks for reading, thanks for watching!

the gritty side of abundance

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I wanted to play an abundance game with myself.

Like how some people look for hearts, or notice a certain time or number, or collect feathers as a way to bring more awareness to something. Love, whispers from the Universe, signs of guidance or the like.

A couple of months ago I tied the few feathers I had with a piece of yarn creating a mini garland of four. It hangs on the window sill of my living room and I love the energy that bit of wild nature brings. I imagined how wonderful it would be for that garland to grow and reach across the entire sill- an altar to found abundance.

I could open my awareness of abundance and manifesting energy by looking for, receiving, feathers!

I’ll do it, I thought. I will start intentionally calling feathers to me! It was going to be fun, easy, magical.

Before I went out into the world that day I visualized finding beautiful feathers. I asked the unseens to place them in my path. I imaged my garland full and beautiful.

I felt good, hopeful, a bit the witchy conjurer.

15 minutes later I pulled into the parking garage downtown anticipating easy parking, a lovely visit to the farmer’s market and of course, feathers.

What I saw was a dead pigeon.

Yes there were feathers, but No, no, no, No, NO! This was NOT what I wanted.
I wanted feathers, not a dead bird! I wanted gracefully delivered, delicately floating feathers. Feathers cosmically and gently put before me as offerings from the loving and generous universe.
Not. A. Dead. Bird.

I tell you, I was a bit freaked out. I drove past the bird and around the first level of the garage and finding no parking had to circle around again to go up to the next level.

Past the dead bird.

Which I did not want to see.

So I looked the other way.

Nope, no dead bird here, la, la, la…

You can probably guess that I did not found any other feathers.

I was left unsettled.

It stayed with me, leaving me uncomfortable. Like there was more to this story than I was allowing. Like seeing that dead bird was important, not random. Like the greater mystery of life was at play.

That bird was a power symbol, it wasn’t letting me go, and I was not comfortable with that.

A few days later still feeling weird about the whole thing, I told my husband the story. He listened patiently and then in his shaman way (yes I am married to a shaman, it comes in handy) points out the difference between the result of abundance (feathers) and the source of abundance (the bird). You can get feathers in two ways: by the bird shedding them, or by the bird dying.

Can’t have the feathers with out the bird. Can’t have abundance with out Source.

Okay. Right. Light headed perspective shift time for me. I was looking, wanting, the result of abundance. The feathers. And when presented with the source of that abundance, the bird, I looked the other way. I actively avoided it. I rejected it. Because I didn’t like the way it presented itself. Because I was only interested in the result. When I turned away, I also rejected the gift in the death of this bird.

I saw Source and I rejected it.

I was unwilling to see the grittiness of abundance. The rawness of Source. The fact that sometimes, abundance comes out of death and endings. Sometimes you shed tears of pain before the tears of joy. Sometimes the miracle is well protected in the brambles of life.

Houses are built because trees are cut. Chicken soup is only possible it the chicken dies. The inheritance making life easier comes at the loss of a dear one.

Sometimes we are beat up and bruised by the ride of abundance. Ask any mom joyously holding her new born. Ask any farmer harvesting her fields. Ask any hunter who takes a life so others may eat. Source is the all of life. If I want to truly know abundance as more than a convenient parlor trick, I have to be willing to be with the all of Source. Cycles, rhythms, timing, birthing, living, dying, waxing, waning. Triumph and failure. Shine and grit.

I can’t avoid the sometimes harshness of abundance by wanting less, paring down my desires. But I can willingly open to the tenderness and vulnerability of deep gratitude and reverence for that which is sacrificed or lost.

This dead bird in a grimy parking garage has taught me see and honor the source of the abundance. Even when I don’t like how it is showing up. As I do it strips way all pretense that I am in this life alone. It illuminates the edginess and giddiness of belonging to a world where loss can be the portal of generosity of being.

But only if I let it.

The grittiness of abundance, we don’t often hear about that.

I saw that pigeon because I needed to. It was the response to my witchy conjuring, was the gift of a loving and generous universe. That pigeon was a message from greater Source to not get taken in by the parlor games of abundance, the glamor we over manifestation. It affirmed for me that I am here to know Source, full on, even the bits that leave me shaken and a bit roughed up. Even when I want to turn away.

I want more light, more ease, more beauty and will continue to look for and create that.

I also want to honor and receive the gift of grit when it comes.

 

burning christmas and when to revisit old lessons

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Post Christmas, pre New Years. My favorite week of the year. The holiday madness is over, the world slows down, I cozy up by the tree for some gentle reflection and future dreaming.

This year however, I have been thrown into a different kind of reflection.

Not so warm and cozy and more blistering fire. Literally. You see I burned my hand on Christmas day. Badly. While it is healing miraculously fast and well (heart swelling, deep soul gratitude for the grace that this potentially devastating burn is just very painful), I am limited as to what I can do for a while.

Good news, any and all housework is out! Thankfully, typing and knitting are workable so I can keep up pretty well on work and pleasure projects. But even a brisk walk causes my hand to burn because of the increased blood flow.

Slow and calm is my medicine right now.

The burn was simple accident. I was making a Dutch Baby for Christmas breakfast and grabbed the screaming hot skillet filled with puffy goodness without a pot holder. I was busy talking, I was tired, I was distracted from what I was doing, I needed a plate and then, Owww! These things happen.

Except.

For days I had been getting whispers. You know, those teeny, tiny moments; those quiet, subtle inner voices giving you important guidance. Mine had been telling me to slow down. To stop pushing so hard. To relax into all that was happening instead of fighting and trying to dominate it like an opponent. To connect into my body and find my trust that all was well and everything would get done.

And yet, I pushed. I went faster. I squeezed just four more things in every day even though I was exhausted. I said yes when I wanted to say no. Not from a place of fullness, generosity or inspiration, but from urgency, obligation, and scarcity.

And I got burned.

And so I stopped.

Trying for perfection. Doing more than I wanted. Pushing to get even more done. Over riding my inner knowing and rhythm. All old lessons of mine it is time to revisit. It would be so easy to make myself wrong for needing to back to my own personal spiritual growth 101. To shame myself for having to relearn this old stuff yet again!

But all of us, we will always be revisiting of our personal basics courses.

Re-enrolling in “Self Care 101” or “Beginning Boundary Setting for Accommodating Women”, or “Introduction to Listening to Your Intuition.”

Not because you or I are not learning our lessons, but because life changes. WE change. Our growth and expansion needs to be more deeply rooted in foundation or else we would fall over. Think of a huge tree with shallow or weak roots. It is a crash waiting to happen. Our personal 101’s are our roots essential nutrients.

When you find yourself thinking “I can’t believe I am here again, I thought I handled this one” remember that you did handle it.

You learned the lesson and now life is asking you to revisit the wisdom. Learn it newly from this place. Because growth is happening, something bigger is in store for you. Something new is on the horizon and the Unseens are showing you how to deepen your roots so you can embrace all that is yours to claim.

What are your personal growth, spiritual awareness basics classes?

How do you know if it is time to revisit any?

Is the new year calling you to something more, think about revisiting some of your personal/spiritual 101’s.

I wish you rich discovery and glittering unfolding as the New Year awaits!

Just don’t forget the potholders. Expansion is hot.

 

******

What expansion is the New Year calling you to?

More joy? More wild discovery? Finding Your Wild Wonder, a 3 week e-course joy ride to your magic life starts January 13. Register here.

Maybe you are looking for some personal guidance. Some help deciphering the whispers wanting your attention. I’ve got you covered with The Guidance Sessions. Details here.

 

 

stop caring so much. yes, really.

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unexpected beauty stopping me in my tracks
unexpected beauty stopping me in my tracks

Warning: Slaying of spiritual and seasonal platitudes ahead…

 

Stop caring so much about others.

 

Really.

Stop.

I know, I know. “Give unto others” and “’Tis the season of giving”. We were raised on the mandate to put others first, so of course you don’t think of yourself first. Or second, or are you even on the list? You make sure you anticipated every need and wish of everyone else, and more.

But you see, this is wrong. You think your concern for others, helping them, serving them, caring for and about them is your calling. Your family, children, friends, your clients and colleagues, you care soooo much. You would do anything for them. It is your reason for being. Your purpose in life. To make life better for others. You love people.

So you take on the pain of the world. You worry and feel guilty when you can’t do enough. It is part of being a goodhearted, kind and spiritual person, right?

Wrong!

Your Purpose, Reason for Being, Calling, is to live your life in joy and wild abandon.

Everything will sort itself from here.

Think about it.

Are you overly tired? You are giving too much.

 Are you resentful? You are thinking more about someone else and dismissing yourself.

 Are you indecisive to the point of stagnation? You are looking for proof outside of yourself, abdicating authority and not trusting yourself.

 Are you overwhelmed? You are taking on more than your share of responsibility.

 You think putting others first will lead to bliss, into a life with meaning.

It wont. Not if you are ignoring your own precious life bliss.

When was the last time you rolled on the floor laughing with tears streaming from you eyes?

So happy you caught yourself smiling with out reason?

Overflowed with inspiration?

Danced with out a thought as to how you looked?

Felt so good in your skin the number on the scale was irrelevant?

Allowed unexpected beauty to stop you in your tracks?

Looked in the mirror and was seduced by your own eyes?

Treated yourself with extravagance that feeds your deepest soul?

If it has been more than 24 hours since having a moment of full bodied delight, you are exhausting yourself and calling it being a caring and responsible person.

Forget everyone else and feed your own thirsty, craving, wild, heart.

Fill her. Tend to her with fierce devotion and focus. Only when she is filled will your caring for others be your true expression, not a road to your own depletion. Only then will the extraneous melt away leaving your true life meaning.

Your caring will then be sourced in abundance and bounty, not duty. Or worse, a strategy to avoid being in your own life.

I can hear the challenges already. “This is selfish.” “This is the worst kind of self indulgence.” “I can’t just stop taking care of people.” “I’d be an awful person.” “People depend on me.” You know what? I don’t care what you think putting yourself first means (see how that works).

Do it anyway. As the rule rather than the occasional exception.

Give yourself a good time. And then do for others. Or most heretical, choose not to. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, not in order to put it on someone else, but because You deserve to breathe.

I see women all the time, worn out at the deepest level because for years and decades they have over given and think it caring and loving. Because they haven’t been taught to balance their own care and joy with that of others. Because they buy the story it is selfish to think of themselves, or that they don’t have time, or that they have to earn it through good deeds.

 All lies.

I challenge you to give yourself bliss!

I mean full bodied, consuming elation, happiness, jubilation, once a day, at least once a day, for one week. Then tell me putting your own pleasure first doesn’t change everything! Doesn’t change the whole landscape of what caring truly means, what it feels like and how it works. Caring for self/caring for others has a divine reciprocity that builds momentum, not depletion. But it only works when you start full.

I’ve been down the road of depletion to the point of life collapse because I gave more out than I allowed in.

I can tell you the path of pleasure is much more fruitful in every way than giving out of habit, expectation, or fear you wont be enough.

Pleasure through self caring and honoring is the most sustainable and renewing way to source the true loving generosity of your heart.

How do you get this state of self caring, find your path of pleasure?

I say start with Wonder. I happen to have a whole course about it starting January 13. 3 weeks of e-mail joy to connect you to your wild, wonderful self. I’d love for you to join me. Come see the details and register here.

 

how to see the enchantment of life

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fall leaves of wonder

I have had a lump in my throat and tightness in my chest the past few days, feeling like there is a really big cry waiting to happen but is stuck. Trapped in layers of tiny distraction and rambling busyness, perhaps held in place by fear and anxiety of what the really big cry means.

And yet, bits of this cry are seeping out in tiny moments, little moments of small consequence. I am teary, feeling tender, and the critical, judging part of me wants to labeled it “overly sensitive.” This is my personal red flag to look deeper. When ever I criticize my feelings as “overly sensitive” I know something important is going on that needs care, attention and acceptance.

So I follow the tears back to their source, back into the tiny, little moments, seemingly inconsequential.

– Making pie crust and remembering my grandmother.

– Marathon watching of Dr. Who, again.

– Seeing light though fall leaves.

– The house across the street aglow in the dark with Christmas lights.

– Laughing with my neighbor.

– Knitting on the couch with a cup of tea.

When I look into these moments I see that the lump and tightness are not some big scary thing I don’t want to deal with that got locked in my chest and throat.

It is Wonder.

Tiny, shimmering moments of Wonder making their way up through the hardened strata of ordinary life, past overly long to do lists, ignoring deadlines and obligations. Wonder finding its way out through my tears like water finding its way up out of the earth and flowing where needed.

The tears are moments of softening into moments too large to fit into the box my mind gives them. The tenderness is the releasing of the shell I put around myself. The lump in my throat and tightness in my chest are me bracing against a moment I don’t yet understand.

Wonder expands me so I can take it in. The love, adventure, beauty, friendship, peace my mind wont let fit into the “little moments of small consequence.” Wonder reveals the magic always here yet rarely seen, even more rarely felt.

Wonder is the portal to the More we crave at the root of our being. It is how we can see the sacred, the transcendent, the enchantment of life.

It is the joyful path to the more of You.

Risk the big ugly cry, follow the unexpected tears, open to the tiny moments. Begin to feel into, soften into, the always present Wonder of your life.

This is why the Finding Your Wild Wonder e-course is happening.

Because choosing to create space for Wonder to bubble into your life will change you.

It will expand you.

It will leave you happy.

It will lead you to your heart’s desire.

It is waiting for you, a three week joy ride to your magic life. Beginning January 6.

Go here for more information and to sign up. (There are also a couple of time sensitive bonuses, because what would December be with our extras!)

Your life has more magic than you know. Wonder is how you find it.

 

 

a most sacred and important thing to be thankful for

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(This is one of my all time favorite posts. It talks about one of the most sacred and important gratitude practices we can have in a way I still can not find better words for. Thankfulness for ourselves.)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the States. If we are lucky it is a day where we slow down, enjoy family, friends, and soul nourishing food. (FYI, I wholeheartedly believe that the second, or more!, helpings of potatoes and pie enjoyed in the space celebration and love nourish us more deeply than we know, so savor well!)

It is a time to bring awareness to all the ways in which we are blessed and loved.

Here is my Thanksgiving wish for you. That in the midst of celebrating in what ever way you do, whether with a large group of loved ones or alone (because sometimes we are alone and that is okay), or working so that the rest of us can be home, I want you to take some time to be thankful for You. This is especially important if your holiday is the kind where old triggers, resentments or family drama predictably play out.

You matter, You are important, You are a gift.

You, in all your beauty and imperfection. You, for the way you wake up and choose over and over and over in the course of a day to move forward, handle what is in front of you and love what matters.

You, for the way you don’t always get it right but keep trying and growing anyway.

There is so much to be thankful for.

From the way your heart beats and keeps the biological rhythm of your life moving, to the way your heart spiritually expands in love every time it heals form a hurt or extends its love to another.

From the way you dream even when disappointment tempts you to stop, to the way you respond in generosity even when it is inconvenient and for no other reason than you care.

I know it can be hard to see sometimes, the way you are amazing and special.

We are not that practiced at seeing, let alone expressing thankfulness for ourselves. But do it, try it. I know it is vulnerable and can feel awkward but it will open you up to your life an amazing and honest way.

I deeply want this for you:

To know the intimate joy of receiving yourself, acknowledging yourself, You feeling thankful for You.

May you have a wonderful, warm, abundant Thanksgiving!

(I have something special coming in January, something I wish deeply for you. It’s about wonder and wildness and giving yourself more of what you truly want! Details here.)