Category Archives: musing

pretty tree, holiday wishes, year end musings

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Tea Time Behind the Curtain, Episode #12

-where I give you a behind the scenes peek at what is going on in my life and in my business-

It is holiday time!

My tree is up, my energy is slowly descending to honor the dark time of the Winter Solstice, and I am looking back at the year. Savoring, learning, dreaming.

Please enjoy the last Tea Time video of the year. I share a wee holiday celebrating, show off my pretty tree and muse a bit on the year.

I mention:

Kris Oster and her branding course based on The Alchemist

My guest post about spending a year in the care of a goddess, for the brilliant goddess guide herself Amy Palko (if you have experienced her My Word Goddess Readings, treat yourself for the New Year. They are only available until the end of January)

I will be back in January with more. I do hope you will join me.

In the mean time, what are you celebrating? What have you done, learned, tried this year? What dreams are beginning to form for next year?  Where do you find the light to let into your life? Especially if this time of year is challenging, for what ever reason?

I wish you love, warmth, sparkles and joy!christmas_2014

If the coming New Year is bringing you nudges of taking a deeper dive into life, I invite you to check out ways to work with me. Please be in touch if there is any way I can support your living the most luscious life possible!

savoring, the alchemist, and childhood elves

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Episode 11, Tea Time, Behind the Curtain

-where I give you a behind the scenes peek at what is going on in my life and in my business-

This week on Tea Time Behind the Curtain it is rainy and stormy which has me asking introspecitve questions and musing on tree decorating, childhood memories and finding an old friend on the bookshelf.

What can you savor?

Where can you slow down and let a breath come in between the stages of your process, project or goal? Just the sake of appreciating  the moments of becoming.

Find an old friend on your bookshelf and appreciate the road you have taken since you last opened this particular book.

Re-read an old favorite and see it newly from where you are now. Or, what is on your bookshelf, bedside table, pile along side the couch, that you haven’t read yet? Start it now!

What nostalgic memories are bubbling up as this year closes?

Maybe holiday related, maybe not. But what is something about the ending of the year that touches that sweet tender spot inside?

**I talked about the wonderful work Kris Oster. Mythological, magical, and always inspiring. Hop over and check her out, she is always up to something unique and full of pleasure!**

 

red lips and disapearing tardis

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Episode 7 of Tea Time, Behind the Curtain

I believe giving yourself the little things, what can seem like unimportant, trivial, maybe even quirky in the bigger scheme of life, cultivates just the courage we need to do the bigger and more vulnerable ones we most desire.

Please watch and see how that had looked for me this week.

(Oh, and in case  you want to know more about the Tardis.)

introducing: tea time, behind the curtain

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I am doing a weekly video series!

I am calling it Tea Time, Behind the Curtain!!

 

Yay! EEEK! Hurray! OMG I am really doing this!

Excessive use of exclamation points and BOLD is entirely intentional and totally warranted!!!

**View the episode now or read the behind the scenes story first. Those of you who get my Luscious Soulful Beauty email letter already know this, but here it is for the larger world. Believe me, no one is as surprised as me that this is happening! (Oh, and if you are not getting my LSB letter, put your info in the box at the bottom, I’d love to include you!)**

Last week I did something really scary. It made me lightheaded, nervous and full of self judgment. And you know what? I didn’t die. I didn’t even faint. Or throw up. You know what else? I surprised myself. I kind of had fun. Enough fun that I am going to continue.

What did I do? I took part in a 5 day video challenge with Kris Oster of Mythic Rhythm through her Facebook group Enchanted Entrepreneurs. (If you by chance have not heard of her, check out her work. Especially if you are a mystically inclined business person. Magic + Myth + Biz know how.= Powerful. shhh, its a secret group so let me or Kris know if you want in and we will teachyou the secret handshake, aka add you in.)

So, each day last week I created a video on the theme of bringing heaven to earth. Yummy topic, yes? Good enough, along with Kris’ inspiration and safety to tempt me. And prizes. Totally helped that there were prizes.

The thing is, I have spent my life actively avoiding being on camera. It has scared me, intimated me, just was never something I had any plans of doing, ever. Never. Not going to happen. Other people did video. Not. Me.

Except.

Sometimes our inner wise guidance has another plan. There was a tiny, but undeniably strong voice that said “Do it. Just do it. Do it. Do it.” Kind of like your girlfriends on the playground telling you to go ask the cute boy under the tree to be your lab partner because they know you really want to.

My brain said No. Some deeper part said yes. So I listened to the deeper voice that felt more true, if unfamiliar, rather than the familiar voice that sounded more safe and logical, but not quite true.

Color me shocked!

And that is how it is with our intuition and inner guidance. It is not ruled by our past and how we know ourselves in the present. It is tuned into our becoming, our growth, our life desire. It brings us to our edge so we can reach into what is forming beyond our knowing. And it often shocks us with what it brings.

So, 5 days of videos. They are not perfect. I have so much to learn. Of course I had a crap ton of judgement threatening to shut me down.
-Your hair is too frizzy.
-You need to clean your studio, or get a screen so people don’t see how messy you are.
-You look weird and puffy, not like your pretty professional pictures.
-Oh My God you say “like” and “um” too much.
-You sound just like your sister!

The truth is this:

– My hair is curly and it has a mind of its own.
– My studio is not Pinterest ready and is absolutely lived in. I definitely work in creative chaos.
– I don’t have professional lighting and make up, most nights I don’t sleep as well as I would like. I look the way I look. Also YouTube has a way of choosing the most unflattering screenshot for the video (have to learn how to work with that!) Again, I look the way I look.
– There is a learning curve and I am getting use to speaking in front of a camera.
– My sister and I come from the same gene pool and blood carries connection. She is also one of the most dynamic people I know.

I showed up anyway. I am so proud of myself for that. I am proud for leaping into the unknown and discovering a new way to express myself. I am celebrating doing the scary thing, while being scared and full of doubt the whole time. I am especially proud of not minimizing how big a triumph this for me. This is something I find so common. We snatch away our accomplishments, our triumphs, we weaken the impact of our courage because we compare ourselves with others. “This is not such a big thing, others do it all the time” we tell ourselves when this “common” “no big deal thing” is a very big, extraordinary thing for us.

Icky, Yucky, Cruel. Don’t buy into it.

Claim your bravery.

Even when it is wobbly and imperfect and perhaps the tinniest little thing to others. It is not to you and it will change you.

Here is why I share this story. That thing that scares you, the one you are absolutely sure you will never, ever do. That very thing may make its way to you as an opening to more of your creative, soulful becoming. Just because you have not known yourself to do or be something does not mean you never will.

Of course always say “no” to what does not feel right, but also be willing to follow the small, quiet, surprising “yes” that invites you forward. It doesn’t have to be big and grand, it just needs to be yours.

This story is also a way of introducing my new, small, Yes. A very big Yes actually. I am going to do a weekly video I am calling Tea Time, Behind the Curtain. A better name may come bit for now that is what I am calling it. I want to create a little space in the week to touch in, relax, breathe, and chat about what is going in my luscious life creation. Here is Episode 1. This feels tender and vulnerable and exciting.

All the ingredients of rich, new, knowing and creation!

What is your exciting new “Yes”? Is there a new, tiny, edgy whisper calling you? Say Yes!

So here it is Episode 1 of Tea Time, Behind the Scenes. Thanks for reading, thanks for watching!

the gritty side of abundance

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window_feathers_#3_resize

I wanted to play an abundance game with myself.

Like how some people look for hearts, or notice a certain time or number, or collect feathers as a way to bring more awareness to something. Love, whispers from the Universe, signs of guidance or the like.

A couple of months ago I tied the few feathers I had with a piece of yarn creating a mini garland of four. It hangs on the window sill of my living room and I love the energy that bit of wild nature brings. I imagined how wonderful it would be for that garland to grow and reach across the entire sill- an altar to found abundance.

I could open my awareness of abundance and manifesting energy by looking for, receiving, feathers!

I’ll do it, I thought. I will start intentionally calling feathers to me! It was going to be fun, easy, magical.

Before I went out into the world that day I visualized finding beautiful feathers. I asked the unseens to place them in my path. I imaged my garland full and beautiful.

I felt good, hopeful, a bit the witchy conjurer.

15 minutes later I pulled into the parking garage downtown anticipating easy parking, a lovely visit to the farmer’s market and of course, feathers.

What I saw was a dead pigeon.

Yes there were feathers, but No, no, no, No, NO! This was NOT what I wanted.
I wanted feathers, not a dead bird! I wanted gracefully delivered, delicately floating feathers. Feathers cosmically and gently put before me as offerings from the loving and generous universe.
Not. A. Dead. Bird.

I tell you, I was a bit freaked out. I drove past the bird and around the first level of the garage and finding no parking had to circle around again to go up to the next level.

Past the dead bird.

Which I did not want to see.

So I looked the other way.

Nope, no dead bird here, la, la, la…

You can probably guess that I did not found any other feathers.

I was left unsettled.

It stayed with me, leaving me uncomfortable. Like there was more to this story than I was allowing. Like seeing that dead bird was important, not random. Like the greater mystery of life was at play.

That bird was a power symbol, it wasn’t letting me go, and I was not comfortable with that.

A few days later still feeling weird about the whole thing, I told my husband the story. He listened patiently and then in his shaman way (yes I am married to a shaman, it comes in handy) points out the difference between the result of abundance (feathers) and the source of abundance (the bird). You can get feathers in two ways: by the bird shedding them, or by the bird dying.

Can’t have the feathers with out the bird. Can’t have abundance with out Source.

Okay. Right. Light headed perspective shift time for me. I was looking, wanting, the result of abundance. The feathers. And when presented with the source of that abundance, the bird, I looked the other way. I actively avoided it. I rejected it. Because I didn’t like the way it presented itself. Because I was only interested in the result. When I turned away, I also rejected the gift in the death of this bird.

I saw Source and I rejected it.

I was unwilling to see the grittiness of abundance. The rawness of Source. The fact that sometimes, abundance comes out of death and endings. Sometimes you shed tears of pain before the tears of joy. Sometimes the miracle is well protected in the brambles of life.

Houses are built because trees are cut. Chicken soup is only possible it the chicken dies. The inheritance making life easier comes at the loss of a dear one.

Sometimes we are beat up and bruised by the ride of abundance. Ask any mom joyously holding her new born. Ask any farmer harvesting her fields. Ask any hunter who takes a life so others may eat. Source is the all of life. If I want to truly know abundance as more than a convenient parlor trick, I have to be willing to be with the all of Source. Cycles, rhythms, timing, birthing, living, dying, waxing, waning. Triumph and failure. Shine and grit.

I can’t avoid the sometimes harshness of abundance by wanting less, paring down my desires. But I can willingly open to the tenderness and vulnerability of deep gratitude and reverence for that which is sacrificed or lost.

This dead bird in a grimy parking garage has taught me see and honor the source of the abundance. Even when I don’t like how it is showing up. As I do it strips way all pretense that I am in this life alone. It illuminates the edginess and giddiness of belonging to a world where loss can be the portal of generosity of being.

But only if I let it.

The grittiness of abundance, we don’t often hear about that.

I saw that pigeon because I needed to. It was the response to my witchy conjuring, was the gift of a loving and generous universe. That pigeon was a message from greater Source to not get taken in by the parlor games of abundance, the glamor we over manifestation. It affirmed for me that I am here to know Source, full on, even the bits that leave me shaken and a bit roughed up. Even when I want to turn away.

I want more light, more ease, more beauty and will continue to look for and create that.

I also want to honor and receive the gift of grit when it comes.

 

through domesticated windows

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wildness_through_domestic_windows

**********

Today the birds sing away my headache

They call to each other with such insistent joy and syncopation
my body can not help but respond

Their rhythm soothes me, lulls me, entices me

I release my
thoughts
plans
strategies
expectations
worry
urgency

The wild enters my domesticated life through open windows

Reminding me my body holds sway over the workings of my mind

My body is nature

She needs her song

The birds know this, they remind me I know this also

**********

sacred vessels and my mom’s move

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sacred vessels of soul nurishment
sacred vessels of body nourishment

“It’s like the love is gone.” My mom said.

She is getting ready to move into what will most likely be a much smaller space. It is an intense period of change and readjustment as she waits to see where her next home will be. Going though 14 years of accumulation and memories, choosing which to keep and which to let go, it is no small thing. Especially for such a sentimental and sensitive woman.

A friend helping her noticed a small rocking chair with a teddy bear and remarked that her sister had one just like it. Generously, my mother gave it to her friend. After all, my mother logically thought, there would not be room for such things in her new place, her friend would cherish the gift, and the whole point of packing early is to Get Rid Of Stuff.

Except.

My sister gave that little rocking chair to my mother years ago and every time she looked at it, sitting there behind glass on the top shelf of her entertainment unit, she thought of Donna. Her heart and presence would fill with her love for my sister. When this humble little tchotchke left with her friend, it felt as if all the love in the space left with it.

I heard the tears in my mother’s voice. The sadness of letting the memento go, the regret on acting too quickly, and the guilt of giving away a precious object. There was confusion about why this small thing was having such a big emotional punch. After all in the last few days she has purged bags and bags and bags of clothes, more pictures than she could count and has boxes set aside filled with far more “valuable” things for us kids if we want them. None of that bothers her. Why this little thing?

“It is like the love is gone.” She kept saying.

Of course the love in my mother’s home is held in her heart, not her things. It is in her generosity and ready smile. Her stories and “everyone is welcome” spirit. Of course her home still overflows with love even as it is changing form. She knows this and yet, “It feels like all the love is gone.”

Because, for my mother, that little rocking chair held, holds, everyday sacred power.

Sometimes in our consumer vs. minimalist world I think we can underestimate the emotional and spiritual anchors and containers our things can be. Certain things. Those things we invest our essence into.

Those things we elevate beyond well cared for material objects into sacred vessels.

Vessels that hold our love, intention, dreams, memories, connections… Touchstones of our deeper selves.

Not every knickknack, every gift, every picture, every piece of jewelry. But some, maybe a handful. Quality and price are not important. It is the love and attention, the using and engaging with the object that animates its soul.

It is why my friend’s grandmother’s wedding ring gives her confidence and strength.

It is why I write better with a certain beach stone near by.

Why I don’t replace my first set of cheap wooden spoons; bent, burnt and split with use and time.

Why my brother wants my mom’s old frying pan, long missing its handle, because of the sound it makes.

It is not “logical” and it is not always practical, but it is real.

My mother’s pain was not in letting the rocking chair go, but in doing it with out honoring what this humble physical thing held for her.  “I just gave it away,” she said over and over. Unspoken, but felt through her tears and heavy voice, “as if it meant nothing.” She let her logic override her heart instead of inviting both into the process.

How often have I done the same? In the spirit of getting on with it, of clearing things out, get the job done, not getting wrapped up in emotion. I have overridden my heart in order to be more efficient and practical. Code for not feeling and being in the messiness of change and hard choice.

Have you?

Pain is caused when a sacred possession is gotten rid of with out proper reverence.

It is a denial of self, of the personal meaning we infuse into our life. I am not saying a three day holy ceremony is needed in order to part with a cherished object (unless it is), or that you should never part with something of deep emotional importance. But the awareness and honoring of the energy and spirit it holds is important. It allows you to make the right choices about when and how and if to part with something.

It allows your sacred vessels to do their job. Keeping you in touch with the deeper and more of You.

My mom is fine. In her wise way she allowed herself to feel the regret and guilt of her action, get the lesson and is now sorting though her things with more inner connection and guidance.

I know her new home will have all the space needed for her sacred vessels meant to still be with her. Everything else will find its new right home.  Whether that is with her or somewhere else.

What about you?

What are your sacred vessels? Those objects that bring you present to your deeper realms?

Honor them, use them, cherish them, allow them to work their soulful magic on you. I will do the same.