Oh, it is so hard. Painful. Embarrassing. It makes you want to hide in a hole, or least hole up in your house watching an America’s Next Top Model marathon convincing yourself it is a profound sociological experiment. (Oh wait, maybe that is just me.)
It is hard to run head first into your own human faults and miss-steps. Those places were you slip into small, petty behavior, don’t give the benefit of the doubt, say something that causes unnecessary pain or are just plain mean.
Maybe you try and justify it but your gut knows the truth.
All of this is part of being human. No matter how much spiritual, self development work you have done. As much as you want to always come from your best, express the light of who you are, sometimes you mess up. You fall short. You screw it up. Sometimes in a really big, ugly way. A way that has consequences. A way that maybe we can not fully fix.
It sucks. It hurts. It can bring you to your knees.
It stings so bad you think that your heart must be ripped wide open and desert’s worth of salt is being shoveled in.
There is responsibility to take, apologies to make, repairs to be done.
There is remorse to feel. Karmic lessons to be learned. Insights to be gained. Growth to allow.
And even though you may feel you are the least deserving of compassion and care, you are actually in most need of and fully deserving of it. From yourself. Be tender in your words to yourself, loving in your attention, respectful of your pain. Be attentive to having your process be healing., not punishing or numbing.
I know this may be the hardest part of all, extending loving compassion and healing actions to yourself when you are feeling so bad about yourself, but do it. Just do it. It will transform you and free you from what otherwise is a prison of regret and shame.
Forgive yourself for messing up. For settling. Being mean. Doing it wrong in all the worst ways.
And then let it go.
Because no matter how bad it is, it is never, ever, never the whole truth about you. Maybe not everyone will see that, but you have got to know it about yourself. Those who love you know it. Let them help.
If you don’t let your mistakes retreat into the past, if you keep them alive as proof that you are not good or worthy, than you give your mistakes, your human imperfection that every single person breathing on this earth has in their unique way, the power to hold your light hostage.
Your light is not a function of your being perfect. It is the divinity and the wisdom of your heart expressing itself. When you hold on to hurt and self judgment you restrict how that light can flow.
It is never the actual mistakes we make that cause us the most pain. It is how we deal with ourselves around those mistakes.
How do I know? Experience. Lots. We all get so many opportunities to dance with our imperfection and how it rubs up against the world around us.
If we are attentive and loving with ourselves the painful mess ups hone our spirit, increase our compassion and empathy, actually sand down the harshness of our judging reactions and scarcity fears.
We, You, become more filled with light, more wise, more honest in the world, more at home in our skin and heart.
Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. What works for you when you are in need of some self-forgiveness?
(Please share)
